I like silence. I really enjoy doing things on my own. Most importantly I love the feeling of not doing anything at all. There are times when I really have to force myself to talk. It just doesn’t come to me naturally. Biswa’s video expresses my mindset pretty well.
That sounds simple enough, except when it isn’t. Sometimes I like to hear people talk, to work or play along with others or even the feeling of having a random conversation with a stranger. This is not easy when your mind fluctuates between both these extremes.
I always assumed that it would become easier for me to find this balance as I grew older, but that hasn’t happened yet. If anything, it has become even more complicated. Sometimes I get tired of that happy face I have to put on and I revert to the “WTF is this” face. This used to happen rarely earlier, but now it’s the norm.
I’m not sure what I expect from the world or even if I want anything anymore at all. Either way, leave me alone; or not.