Having lived in Bangalore for more than a year and having sufered more than a zillion times at the hands of auto guys I am left wondering how their psyche works, how they think. At times they are awfully sweet; at times they are worse than vultures but  hey without them Bangalore would have been a pretty boring, sleepy city. So to help out all confused Bangaloreans and the new comers to Bangalore I present to you a 21st cenury guide to Bengaluru auto driver’s psyche.

NOTICE: I have written way too much about/against auto drivers. This post is just an attempt at trying to understand the way an auto driver’s mind works. Yes, I am trying to justify auto drivers here. You must be thiking I am insane right? I know I surprised myself when I started writing this !

Imgae: wikipedia

Frustu sorts

They feel like the whole world is out to get them. It is his wife somedays, it is the rising fuel prices at other times. Whatever be the case, he has his customers on whom he can take out his frustration. Charging ten rupees extra from them is the norm for him, well yes, he can at least pick an arguement and distract his worried mind for a while at least. (Funda inspired by Fight Club)

The pirates

Life is pretty lousy — read: slow — in the outskirts, in the various hallis (villages) that surround the city we used to and continue to call Bengaluru. And everyone wants a piece of the action that is happening in the Indian silicon valley. So they hop on in their semi-kerosene powered autos and venture into the city making more sound than intended by designed. Once in the city, they catch up with city tradition of rigged metres and ‘double meters’ and pretty soon they are dodging traffic cops and making more dough than the auto guys with permits. But hey they do it only to feed their hungry families back in the ‘hallies’. (Funda inspired by American Gangster)

The PR folk

They don’t care about money, all they care about is developing autodriving into a respectable professional option. As if joining one of the top-brass auto unions in the city wasn’t enough, they make an extra effort to gell with the 2.0 generation. They learn english, give advice on best residential areas and even substitute brokers/house agents at times. At the end of the day, their life is just another mask they wear during various stages of their life.
(Funda inspired by Badsha / Aye Auto — partly)

Sneaky bast**ds

There are a lot of people who accept their fate and take it lying down. Then there is this special breed who want to beak free from all these limitations, and blow away the fate in speed. If one has to drive fast in Bangalore either he has be on NICE road or need to be riding an autorickshaw. These three wheeled vehicles have an uncanny ability to cut and nip acros even the most ridiculous jams. That reminds me of a joke I hear during my childhood. People used to keep their legs close together while waiting on he road side lest an auto pass through them! (eeks bad one I know!!)
(Funda inspired by real life auto drivers)

Home sick

It is very common that auto drivers refuse to go to a destination we intend to go. We are left at times rudely only to abuse them once they leave the scene. We hardly think what must be going through their minds. May be their home is in the opposite direction and they stand no chance of making a profit even after charging double the metre charge. Or may be he just misses his kids, his wife or may be he just wants to take a nap. It’s night after all just like all of us (BPO staff and air hosteses excluded) everyone wants to get home before mid-night!

Camouflage

Imagine you have an auto with tampered metre, the traffic police won’t let you live in peace and you are bound to get shouted at by almost all your passengers. What would you do? Enroll yourself in one of those prepaid stands of course! When there you don’t have to use your metre and still make a few extra rupees on the metre charge and make a good impression on the police. Once pally with a few policemen he can get away always by showing this proof. Sneaky indeed heh!

Well this is an attempt to empathize with auto drivers in Bangalore who we love to hate

This is the final post of Grand Theft Autorickshaw series.. to make any sens read GTA , GTA2, GTA3 and then read this post

I speak english!
NOTE: This my dear friends is the rarest bread of auto drivers. You may not find them in any other city in India, but in Bangalore.. What’s special about them? As the headline says.. They speaks english!

Me: Anna.. Jayanaga Jaoge?
Auto: Hindi gothilla.. You know english
Me: eh.. yya.. ya I speak english
Auto: So where do you want to go
Me: Jayanagar
Auto: ok
Me: (I couldn’t hold back my curiosity)
Auto: From where did you learn to speak english so well?
Me: Oh! from my daughter.. There are a lot of non-kannadigas here. So I asked her to teach me hindi so I could talk to these people. But she told me that she will teach me english as there are a lot of tourists here. So I agreed and I learnt
Me: So how long did it take
Auto: 1 year
Me: wow.. thats great.. you did a really good thing…
(the talk continued for half an hour thanks to traffic.. we discussed traffic, garbage issue, auto metre tampering and traffic again)
(on reaching)
Me: Anna, here is the money
Auto: Thank you (gives back change)
Me: No, Thank you!

Double trouble
NOTE: Ever travelled in a group of five or more in an auto? Chances are quite less for something like that to happen. Unless of course you are in school and auto picks you up from school and takes you home and vice-versa.. well I had ‘encounters’ with auto guys because we travelled in a big group!)
Me: Anna Jayanagar
Auto: okay
Me: There are five people
the smile =) on his face changes shape now =(

Auto: Do (two) auto lena padega
Me: Ek auto mein possible nahi hain? we will give little extra
Auto: No you will have to take two autos!
(out of the blue another auto driver appear who offers to take the second group.. now we don’t have any options you see)
Auto1 (to auto 2): Bhaiyya appa pehle chalo.. I will follow you
Auto 2(to auto 1): nahi nahi aap pahle
Me: (in mind.. am I in Bangalore or Lucknow?)
Auto 1: nahi nahi aap
Auto 2: ok chalo follow.. u have digital metre u put.. i wont
Auto1: ok
Auto1 & 2 together: Boss is that okay.. he has digital so he puts…
Me: okay chalo abhi
(and so the journey starts the auto I was in didn’t have the metre running because ‘he did not have digital meter’ :p)
(fast forward – we reach destination)
(the metre in second auto – digital meter – read 90, when it should have read 60!)
phew!
Me: Boss aapka meter galat hein
Auto1: Wo khoome aana padta hein.. isliye..
Me: (in mind – WTF!)
I have come b same route before also how can you say ‘khoom ke’ now.. don’t crap with me unnecessarily!
Auto 2: Are you trying to say my metre is rigged? digital metre hein bhayya it cannot be
Me: oh come on whom are you kidding.. there is no meter that cannot be rigged.. only if you mess up digital metre the seal will be broken that s all.. move let me check the metre

Auto1 pushes me away

Friend1: Boss.. no need to push around we know your metre is tampered three of us here work in media.. we know many policemen .. we will give you 60 (*2 of course) if you need more you call police. There are five of us here, so don’t mess up.
Auto1: (reality sinks in) okay give.. but remember I know were you live I will come with my friends..

Me: ya ya okay
we will see

(The never turned up.. thank god.. though we put up a bracve face then we were a littel bit scared of the consequences….)

Anything for money

(this one…. came in as a comment from Taju!)

1. I (Taju aka Xylene) called an auto to take ma wife and myself to the Railway station. I bargained and fixed the rate to 125 ( for 15 kms)
Upon seeing ma extra large suitcase he began ” luggage one and a half, extra, more, more, more”

I said “bhaiiyya this auto is for how many ppl?” he said “three”
“So we have me, her and yeh luggage ek admi sumcho (consider this luggage as a person), so no extra… ”
he agreed !
2. On our way back all the autodrivers were bargaining for 150rs (from madiwala to hsr layout 4 kms). I tried ma “consider this luggage as the third person” but dint work !!
So i had to increase my offer to 60 Rs, still no one was agreeing.
Autowalla1 : “sir ur office will begin now”
me ” No its only at 1PM”
Autowalla2 : “Sir the rate is for luggage 70Rs”
Me ” NOOO”
Autowalla picking up my suitcase ” see I am carrying your luggage sirrr”
me ” Oh okay then”
me to wife ” atleast he helped me witht he luggage, so lets give him 70?
upon reachingthe destination. he dint bother to get out of the driver seat. and I pulled..pushed….tried to lift it out of the auto..finally managed to get it out ( his seat got torn, he dint notice, well so be it…)
wife to me ” so wats the extra 10 for??”
me “sigh to get him out of ma sight”

To understand this post properly first read this and then this

‘Auto meri jaan’

I love these kind of auto drivers.. for them their auto is their life, not just because it’s their source of income.. But they simply just

love their autos. They take care of it like they do their children.. Here is one such incident.. but mind you, in this case I was ‘little

irritated’ why? read on…

NOTE: Background of the story is as follows… A friend of mine had come to town so we decide to rent out a house.. which we finally

did… And now all I needed to do was move all my stuff from my paying guest accommodation to my new house.. I pack everything

and call the auto ..

Me: Anna, Jayanagar Jaoge?
Auto: ok
Me: One minute.. need to get some stuff
Auto: Blank expression (I read it then as.. hurry up.. thinking back.. I think he meant.. are u kiddin me?)

(I come down with my ‘luggage’ which basically comprises of a HUGE backpack and a suitcase along with my computer boxes -

monitor, CPU, speakers, UPS etc.. – all of them dusty mind you)

Now I start loading them one by one

Auto: Nahi nahi don’t keep that bag on the seat
Me: Ok.. I start keeping it behind the seat
Auto: Nahi nahi don’t keep there then where will you keep those dirty boxes
Me: I don’t know! You tell me
Auto: Keep the boxes on the floor
Me: Boss.. Are you joking? Its a computer monitor.. It won’t fit..
Auto: Whatever fits on the floor fits in the auto.. If anything’s left keep it on your lap!

Me: Eh.. ok! (It’s not like I had choice you see)
(I HAD TO do it the way he wanted for the sake of shifting…. and I did.. we reached home.. now getting myself and the stuff from

the auto)

Me: Anna.. can you help me to get the stuff out.. because without that I can’t get out
Auto: Give me look that simply said (yeuw.. me help you with that? No chance!)
Me: But I can’t get out..
Auto: call your friend
Me: He is in office!
Auto: Call your neighbour then!
Me: WHAT! For god’s sake pleeeeeeease!
Auto: ah ok then (he takes the comp monitor from my lap and almost throws it on the floor)
Me: Thanks… here is the money..
Auto: (Snatches the money out of my hand and rushes away as soon as I took my stuff out of the auto)

The ‘otherway’ driver

I hate encounters with such a brand of auto drivers….
NOTE: This incident happened at 3 in the evening not late at night!

Me: Auto….. (whizzes past)
Me: Auto… (another one passes by)
Me: AUTO!!!!
(finally one stops)
Me: Jayanagar
Auto: Gives that ‘meditating’ look
nahi going to MG road
Me: (in mind – eh I thought it was an auto didn’t realise you run in particular routes alone)

Watch out for the grand finale (hopefully) of the GTA series ….. to be continued

For this post to make any sense pls read this post first…

GOD ON EARTH
NOTE: These type of auto drivers make an appearance when you are short of cash.. not necessarily when broke.. and never turn up again…

Me: Boss, Jayanagar jaoge
Auto: ok sit
Me: (skeptical.. looking at the meter)
Auto: TING! (digital meter.. wow.. and he’s turned it on)
(Reached destination.. twenty min pass.. we lost ten min at traffic junctions)
Me: (shit I have only Rs 30 change and Rs 100 note… and meter reads 35.. oh god… now I will have to argue)
Anna, here (I offer Rs 100 note)
Auto: Change ilva?
Me: Only 30
Auto: ok give
Me: (I give 30.. he gives back Rs 100)
sorry anna
Auto: (Nods understandingly, smiles and leaves before I can invite him for a tea/coffee for being a nice chap…)

Conclusion: Good things come in small packages proportions

The chatter box
NOTE: These guys appear too friendly and gets to your nerves.. and also that the below conversation took place in hindi

Me: Boss, Jayanagar jaoge
Auto: yes yes why not… sit sit
Me: okay (bckgrnd: ting. meters on.. good)
Auto: So where are you from?
Me: Kerala
Auto: Oh I have been there beautiful place my cousin drives auto in kochi
Me: Oh (all auto drivers in kochi come under the category of Jack the rippers)
Auto: The traffic, its so irritating these days it takes ten minutes to travel 100 meters (we were at MG road u see.. he goes on…) do you know what happened to me yesterday?
Me: (a moments silence… ah that felt good) what? (why did I utter a word.. stupid me!)
Auto: I was driving through outer ring road……… (the conversation or should I say the monologue went on for the next forty min till I reached home)
Me: Anna, here is the money
Anna: Change ilva? (Don’t have change?)
Me: Illa (don’t have)
Anna: okay.. (he gave me back change with three rupee short.. if I ask him about the three rupee he would go on for another ten min about shortage of coins so I took the offering and cleared the spot)

Conclusion: And I though being exposed to radiation was the worst thing possible

The Pervert
NOTE: I never encountered these beasts.. a few of my girl friends encountered them though

She: Anna, MG Road
Auto: (Gives that creepy look which makes one melt) YES!
She: (gets in… quite conscious)
Auto: TING! (Meter on…. great! Now the rear view mirror changes it’s purpose. It becomes passenger view mirror)
(She looks into the mirror only to meet those sharp eyes trying to see through her.. she finds protection behind her backpack which now she keeps on her lap)
(Twenty min pass and the destination approaches) Even after wearing a Kurta.. she thinks

She: Here is the money
Auto: Thanks he collects the money in a giffy making it a point to touch her palms..
She: Leaves the change money and moves away from the auto

Conclusion: Sometimes being a woman is a curse!

Continued here...

Since I came to Bangalore eight months back, I have read a zillion posts on terrible experiences people had with autorickshaws and traffic. But my post WILL BE DIFFERENT.

How?

For the past one month I have been doing a research and I have classified auto drivers into ten different categories (liable to increase in number) based on the way they behave with the ‘customers’.

1> Don the autodriver
Me: Boss, Jayanagar jaoge?
Auto: Yes, 60
Me: Meter
Auto: 60
Me: Meter
Auto: (silence.. take a drag from his beedi.)
(For a second I thought I was in a Rajanikanth movie so I move off before he starts maroing dialogues)

Conclusions: Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin namumkin hai!

2> ‘Busy’ autodriver
Me: Boss, Jayanagar jaoge?
Auto: (silence.. stares at nothingness… )
Me: (in mind) is he meditating? Hmmm na… better bring him back to mortal world in case he is..
BOSS.. HELLO.. JAYANAGAR.. GO.. YES OR NO!!! (screaming!)
Auto: (Turns his head in slow motion) nahi busy he

Conclusion: Whom are you kiddin!

3> Jack the ripper
NOTE: These type of auto drivers make their entry only at night time or when you want to reach a place ASAP.
Me: Boss, Jayanagar jaoge?
Auto: Ha zaroor, 250.. get in
Me: (stunned!… I keep quite when stunned you see.. now the ball is in auto driver’s court)
Auto: Acha ok double meter plus 10
Me: (looking around…. Damn no auto in site.. ah! And no balance in phone to call taxi!!!)

OK

(sob) (sob)

Auto: GRIN (1, 2, 3, 4 ……… 32)

Me: Razzot Fazzzot

Conclusion: Its high time I thought of a career shift! … I could be the next Jack the Ripper

Continued here………