Those irritating calls! March 26, 2008
Posted by | Balu | in chupchap.Tags: entertainment, humour, telemarketing, telephone
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Everyone hates those pesky calls which try to sell you products (I was being generous.. they try to force products down our throats). There are many ways to deal with them. Either you can go the way Xylene suggests or do it my way
(to be honest I got it as a forward.. damn my conscience!)
1 After the telemarketer finishes speaking, ask him/her to marry you. – Oh thanks for calling.. I was feeling so lonely in life after my GF met me.. sob sob.. I need somebody in life.. I have everything in life money, car a job… Will you marry me? (In case she says yes, its your turn to hang-up!)
2. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, and ask him/her, if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back.
3. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times. — Eh what I didn’t understand.. can you explain it again..
4. Tell them it is dinnertime, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. — Oh thats a great plan really.. smack.. slick.. Wow the paratha is owesome.. can I have some more butter pls…. and lassi too.. (I prefer northy stuff for dinner)
5. Tell them that all business goes through your agent, and hand the phone to your five year old child.– ga ga ga ga goo goo ga ga
6. Tell them your hearing is weak and that they need to speak up…. louder… louder… louder! — Hello HELLo… Can you be louder pls.. hello…
7. If they start out with, “How are you today?”, say “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems…. ……… “
8. Tell them to speak very slowly because you want to write every word down. So.. t-h-e plaaan ccooveers.. aaaall paternal.. eh how do I spell paternal?
9. Cry out in surprise, “Helen, is that you? I’ve been hoping you’d call! How is the family?” When they insist they are not Helen, tell them to stop joking. This works especially well if the telemarketer is really MALE.
10. Tell the ICICI call centre guy to call on your office number (ehm.. low battery.. I like ur plan.. if only you could call me in..) - and give him the HSBC call centre number. (CHUP-chap favourite!! 
)
LOL. I love those, especially the last one. There used to be a female from Airtel who used to call sometime back. Her name was Khushi. I wonder why she doesn’t call now.
And Airtel has new ways to annoy you. Now it’s their automated messages. So you can’t even argue with them or talk to them.
Oh yes the bots! Everyone hates them don’t they..
PS: I hate the way they say HI in recoded messages it always manages to sound quirky!
Love #10… Heres what I do if they call me on my mobile… I put them on hold…
They don’t say Hi on Airtel. They say Namaskar as if they are your closest relatives on the planet. Damned bots. :/
RUDDY BRILLIANT…esp helen…can’t wait for one of those calls now.
Once there was a salesman at the door. he was the second that afternoon.
I just looked at him with a dull expression and told him , “ghar me saab bhi nahi, memsaab bhi nahin “.He was stumped. I shut the door with a loud guffaw!
My hub normally tells these guys to send a detailed e mail.He says he doesn’t listen to such things over the phone.
But your ideas are superb.
@ Vijay
HOLD? ain’t thats too rude =P
@Ish
LOL
@Nidhi
Get an ICICI account.. u will get one soon!
@Neela
haha thats superb
PS: not my ideas.. borrowed ones
Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooll
I loved 8 and 10
“Helen one” is the best.
There is one more - The moment you hear a “hello sir”, start shouting - “This is Amitabh Bachchan speaking. Welcome to Kaun Banega Crorepati. Ye raha aapka pehla sawaal, 10000 Rs ke liye. ”
One of my friend actually did this in front of me and I fell off laughing from my seat.
@ Dinsan
Glad u did! =D
@ Amit
but how do u understand its ‘them’ when you hear Hello?
Thats insane.. crazy..
@balu
hilarious
let me try one of these. coz the rules are not being followed annyway.
@Balu : Ok…you have wait till “hello sir…I am calling from ICICI bank”…..and then you attack.
@ Xylene
ya ya pls do!
@ Amit
=D
Ha ha. Good stuff. I’ll do all of these, one by one. Believe me, I get enough calls to try them all - twice
once i start earning, yeah.
You won’t believe his, but I receive calls from a call center in Kerala!! And that guy started talking in Malayalam and was selling some phone cards for calling people in India.
And I’m in the US. I should try this the next time he calls up. But I felt so upset being rude to him..poor thing..they remain awake at odd hours for such jobs and don’t even earn much 
and then people like us shout at them. They are just doing their job.
@ Mojo
Besht of luck then
@Nidhi
LOL
@ Ruhi
I have a strange feeling its someone who has read ur blog playing a prank on u! Todays Apr 1 after all!
No, this happened a couple of weeks back, not today.
@Ruhi, Balu.
I was rude at many ppl when they call me at odd hours. But then when i heard the plight of the friends i know who work at odd hours and shifts to call us I now try not be rude.. But sometimes u just lose it.
I tell you what these calls are really irritating…. like some of the ideas u have mentioned above and now I cant wait for some call center people calling me so that I can try out some ideas… great list buddy!!
awsum
[...] vraiment. Mais, franchement, ça manque d’imagination et de piquant. Heureusement, ce bloggeur propose quelques recettes joliment épicées pour se débarrasser des enquiquineurs professionnels! [...]
[...] vraiment. Mais, franchement, ça manque d’imagination et de piquant. Heureusement, ce bloggeur propose quelques recettes joliment épicées pour se débarrasser des enquiquineurs professionnels! [...]
that was a superb list of ideas to use. will use next time (if i can remeber them in time)
@Amooma
[I] if i can remeber them in time [/I]
yes thats important (VV important) I got a couple of calls yest (from who else -ICICI) but forgot these steps then!